I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. I
always thought of him as a friend until last
year when we went to a trip from a club....
I found that I fell in love with him. Before that
trip was over, I took a step and confessed my
love for him. And soon, we became a pair of
lovers, but we loved each other in different
ways. I always concentrated on him only, but
by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him,
maybe I was just another girl…
"Vin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt
disappointment grabbing me.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"
He was always like that. He met girls in front
of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a
girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from
my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never
heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there
weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't
say anything from the first day and it
continued till 100 days…200days…
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would
just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I
don't know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Vin, I …
Vin: What…don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Vin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go
That was how he ignored my 'three words'
and handed me the doll. Then he
disappeared, like he was running away. The
dolls I received from him everyday filled my
room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 18th year old
birthday. When I got up in the morning, I
pictured a party with him, and stranded
myself in my room, waiting for his call. But…
lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the
sky was dark… he still didn't call. It was
already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he
suddenly called me and woke me from my
sleep. He told me to come out of the house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Vin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Vin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am
giving it to you now. I'm going home now,
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Vin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember
my birthday. He turned around and walked
away like nothing had happen. Then I
Vin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to
him. But he just said simple cold words and
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so
easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then
find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My
legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the
ground. He didn't want to say it easily… How
could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the
right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home
crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although
I was waiting. He just continued handing me
a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room…
After a month, I got myself together and went
to school. But what made the pain resurfaced
was that… I saw him on a street… with
another girl… He had a smile on his face, one
that he never showed me…as he touched the
doll… I ran straight back home and looked at
the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why
did he gave these to me… Those dolls are
probably picked out by some other girls…In a
fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then
suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told
me to come out to the bus stop outside my
house. I tried to calm myself down and
walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding
myself that I am going to forget him, that…
it's going to end. Then he came into my sight,
holding a big doll
Vin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing
had happen and joking around. Soon, he
held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don't need it.
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw
it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it
anymore!! I don't want to see a person like
I spitted out all the words that were inside
me. But unlike other days, his eyes very
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice. He
then walked over to the road to pick up the
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the
doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading
"Vin! Move! Move away!" I shouted… But he
didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked
up the doll.
"Vin, move!" ~!! "Boom!" That sound, so
That's how he went away from me. That's
how he went away without even opening his
eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday
with guilt and the sadness of losing him…
And after spending two months like a crazy
person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the
day we started going out. I remembered the
days I spent with him and started to count the
days… when we were in love…
"One…two… three…" That was how… I
started to count the dolls…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four
hundred and eighty five…" It all ended with
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my
arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
"I love you~, I love you~" I dropped the dolls,
"I….lo..ve…you??" I picked up the dolls and
pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~" It can't be! I pressed
all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I…love
you… Why didn't I realize that….That his
heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this
much… I took out the doll under the bed and
pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll,
the one that fell on the road. It had his blood
stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I
was missing so much…
"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've
been loving each other for 486 days. Do you
know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you….
Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me
and take this doll, I will say that I love you…
everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…"
The tears came flowing out of me. Why?
Why? Why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until
his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it
became courage… to live a beautiful life…
I advise every one reading this story to
always be courageous to tell their feelings to
the ones they love. Never hold back, never
keep your love in a box. Love as if this is all
there is. Never let the one you love go without
letting them know how you feel.