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Saturday, September 7, 2013

Nigerian Ladies decries scarcity of Men

The recent alarm raised by the Catholic
Women Organisation that husbands
would become scarce in Nigeria in
2023 may just be right as
P.M.NEWS can confirm that many
Nigerian spinsters are currently
witnessing the no-husband syndrome.
Within the last few weeks, some of the
ladies who spoke with our
correspondent reported serious
apprehension, pressure and a total lack
of peace as the consequence of their
inability to get married.
One of the ladies, who preferred to be
simply called Titi said she had taken
the issue of marriage as a do-or-die
affair due to "internal pressure" but
that as much as she had tried,
frustration had often been the result.
At 37, the businesswoman who sells
clothes in Ikeja, the Lagos State capital
in western Nigeria, told P.M.NEWS
that she is not finding life easy.
"What is happiness without a man in a
woman's life?"she asked our
correspondent during a chat on Badoo,
a relationship site on the internet.
She had dated several men with some
promising marriage, but without
fulfilling the promise.
"You can't imagine that in the last
three years, I have dated about eight
men, but the relationship was often
short-lived simply because I ask for
their commitment.
"I am not getting any younger and I
cry every time I see my mates with
their husbands and children.
"If at 37 I don't have a child or a
permanent man, when would I have
them? Is it when my skin has
wrinkled? she asked our correspondent.
Chioma (surname withheld), 35, has
found herself patronising many of the
social interaction sites on the internet.
The banker told our correspondent that
she is on Eskimi, 2go, Badoo,
Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter as well
as 4clique, a site that was launched in
Nigeria days ago.
"We can't tell the particular broom in
the bunch that kills a fly," she told
P.M.NEWS on why she patronises such
number of social interaction sites.
"I always change my name in the
different sites but the ultimate goal is
to get a husband," she added.
Chioma told P.M.NEWS that she is
really worried about the situation,
adding that she lives comfortably (in a
mini-flat and has a car), "but who do
I have to enjoy this comfort with me?
"I have tried a hook up programme on
a Lagos-based radio station, but my
age is now a major factor hindering
my dream of being married," she
lamented pleading with our married
correspondent, who she considered a
bachelor, to "help dry my tears."
A married woman, who gave her name
as Mrs. Blessing Aguebor and resident
in Oshodi, confirmed that the issue of
lack of serious men for marriage is
giving many ladies sleepless nights.
She narrated the touching story of her
friend who was disappointed by her
boyfriend of five years when it was
time to "settle down".
"My friend was 29 when he met this
man in Benin and they dated for five
years. The man was always giving the
lady hope without her knowing the
man had other plans. The year he
fixed for their marriage was the year
he travelled abroad without even
informing my friend.
"It was later he called her and asked
her to find another man because he
still had many more years to hustle.
My friend almost went mad.
"She is 36 now without a man. I had
to convince her to relocate to Lagos
so that possibly out of the population
here, she would find someone. It is
pathetic," she said.
A 38-year old business woman in
Ketu, Mrs. Rita Adewunmi, narrated
how she lost her first husband to a
friend, Idayat, who was desperate for
a husband.
According to Mrs. Adewunmi who
remarried last year, Idayat was 36
and needed a husband but her search
was endless.
"I was always encouraging her and
made her a part of my family. She
would always help me take care of the
kids when I go to the market.
"With time, she took over my husband
without my knowledge until the day I
caught them red-handed and that was
the end of my marriage. Ladies are
like hunters these days," she said.
Asked why she was not married at
34, Blessing Osuoha, a nurse with a
private hospital in Abuja, retorted:
"that is why I'm on this social site.
Why are you asking? Is it a bad idea
if you propose to me?"
She explained that life was becoming
unbearable without a husband.
"My friends and family members are
aways asking when they would come
and 'chop' rice, and I keep hoping,"
she added.
A marriage counsellor in Lagos, Mrs.
Victoria Aliu, told P.M.NEWS that
scarcity of 'real men' is becoming a
terrible condition for women ready for
marriage.
She blamed the problem partly on the
Nigerian economy, confusion among
the bachelors on their choices of the
women they want as wives and the
attitudes of the spinsters.
"Many women, whether consciously or
not, behave irritably sometimes,
forgetting that the man just beside
them at every point in time may just
have been nursing how to start a
conversation that could lead to
marriage.
"Some other ladies are very choosy
and unserious at their early stages of
adulthood. They only open their eyes
to discover that their friends are all
married and that they are the only
ones left at the bus stop. Then it
becomes a terrible case for them," she
explained.

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